tender emotions

My heart is full today. Our unit got word of its first casualties and injuries this week, just three weeks into this deployment. As a military spouse I have had to desensitize myself to the names and numbers of fallen soldiers over the years to keep my sanity. These soldiers are men and women just like my soldier boy. Now that it is our unit it is more personal, too close to home. These are families we have contact with. Families that live around the corner, families we started this journey with together.

My heart aches for the young children that will have limited memories of their father. My heart aches for the wife that must now face life alone, must raise kids on her own, must mourn the lose of her best friend, and help her children do the same. My heart aches for the families of the injured who worry about their soldiers and their well being. My heart most selfishly aches for the "what if" its me next time.

I have found myself carrying more prayers in my heart, and on my knees as I pay that our Father in Heaven will put a big protective bubble around ALL the soldiers, that the other families will be granted peace while their soldiers are away. I pray that each individual in a leadership/decision making position will be open to divine guidance.  I pray for the families who have experienced loss that they may find peace and comfort, that they may never have to endure such trials again!

I count my blessings today! I thank the Lord for sparing my soldier! I thank the Lord for my support system! I thank the Lord for my family! I thank the Lord for the love he has shown me!

New favorite hot spot LOL

Never have I made so many trips to the same place to do and see different people. We have made four mini trips to Dallas in the past seven weeks, making lots of memories and doing lots of shopping.
First the kids and I attended a friends wedding. They had so much fun swimming, shopping, helping decorating, and making new friends. It was also our first successful trip with Daniel and all of his dietary restrictions. It was a great success!

Now we know why everyone loves In & Out Burger!

Next Jake and I went on a weekend getaway. I quick befor-things-get-crazy-need-time-alone-befor-deployment weekend. We spent a few days shopping, spending time with friends, eating out, going for runs without children, planning the next year, having the hard pre-deployment this is how things happen if something goes wrong talk, and just relaxing. The kids had a blast hanging with their second family. We all came back together refreshed and happy to be together.

Next was our lets ditch reality and spend time as a family trip. We spent three days at Great WOlf lodge. Absolutely Fabulous! It just happens it fell over Daniels birthday. So I talked all the boys into foregoing any birthday parties this year and blowing all our money at Great Wolf. At the end of our time there Rainey commented "This was the best time ever! I felt like it was my birthday too." They are all begging to go again. We made some great family memories that week.

That's our fearless monkey Mikey going down the slide for the millionth time

We got stuck in the hallway (the safe area) on our way out of the lodge while tornadoes touched down somewhere north of us. Good memories LOL

This last trip was a Mommy sanity weekend. A few of the girls from Church and I went to a womens Conference. It was fabulous! We spent most of the weekend giggling, telling our stories, and just having fun. It was definitely just what I needed to set myself up for next month. The kids had dad all to themselves and did dad things. It was pretty fun seeing the bonding that happened while I was gone, but walking in the door knowing that I was missed.

Now we are just biding our time, finishing up projects, prepping the house for a lack of muscle around to do certain things, and finding every opportunity to do fun things together. It's a dismal time but I try not to think of saying good-bye and filling it with lots of activities to encourage togetherness and good memories. At least this is only temporal...

Christmas recap

This year I was so well prepared! Before Thanksgiving I went to a friends house and made some cute Christmas cards. I planned my Christmas crafts out week by week. I had the kids Christmas outfits six week early and knew exactly what we were getting them. I was going to make it happen! HA!

I made the cards but never sent them so they went back up in the attic with all the other Christmas stuff for next year. Maybe next year?!I only got around to a few crafts. This is the nativity I added this year. Pretty simple and compact. Just a paper cut out.

This year we hosted a super fun Christmas party. We were surrounded by people we love. It was so fun to enjoy the company of so many friends and neighbours.
We played some minute to win it games, ate and just enjoyed having a reason to chill together. So many good laughs!

Christmas eve we hunkered down and had our own family Christmas party. (There was no way I was braving any of the last minute Christmas craziness!) We played a few more games.

Took full advantage that all our doors on our Lego advent calendar were open

And the kids decorated the Grandma room and served us food and drinks while we watched movies all afternoon.

Christmas morning we hurried and got dressed for church. Peaked thru our stockings. And Why not get a good Christmas shot in while we are all dressed?! HA!

After almost 100 snap shots these are the best we got.
How do people get "the" perfect family photo?

No one photo has everyone smiling and in focus!
I guess we have that much documented...we lack on group photography.

After church it was free game

Liza with her loot. Not one dud in this pile!

Daniel and his goods

Rainey and his goods. This year he made it very clear about three weeks before Christmas all he wanted and has "ever wanted for (his) entire whole life" (all 4 almost 5 years of life) was a bath robe. That was easy enough!

Mikey opening her presents. She only opened one at a time. She savored it all day long! We kept having to prod her into opening them. She was so content with whatever the older kids were doing, or the present she had just opened. Super easy to please this year, and everyone of her gifts have been used daily!

This is what most of the rest of Christmas day looked like. Everyone on some sort of electronic.

Liza learning about electricity and circuits

Here the boys were setting up their Lego city. Putting their boards in just the right configuration so to accommodate all the things they were going to build.
(Too bad the lost ALL their toys 10 days later, for refusing 5days in a row to clean their room. And now have only books to read. Maybe Lego city can be build next month. If I go up to the attic to get them down.)

All in all it was a great year for memories! Some we laugh at and some we hold dear to our hearts. A fabulous year for us!
Hope it found you all in good health and as happy as we were!

Rollercoaster of emotions Deployment post #1

I wrote this last week, its a bit of a babble-woe-is-me post but have chosen to post it anyways to document my emotions of pre-deployment. I still get weepy eyed when support our troop commercials come on or redeployment clips are shown but I think I have gotten most of the tears out and have moved on to acceptance now, I think...

The deployment list is finalized, and J is on it. Nine months somewhere in BFN Afghanistan.

As an Army Wife you know the possibility is always there. You prepare for it regularly. Separation is nothing new its a part of the job. But it never gets easier, maybe more routine, but never easier.J has spent the week in meetings learning about his tasks, his team, his locations, and been briefed on what to expect. Next up is training, issuing of gear, more training, more meetings and never ending late nights, and frequent travels all over the place taking our soldier boy away from home for days and weeks before his actual deployment, then the dreaded packing, unpacking and packing again.This isn't the first time we have done a deployment. This is by far not the first time we have been separated by 1000s of miles. This is not the first time we have gone through these emotions, but somehow it is so different this time.J comes home excited with the new challenge. Excited to be back on the contributing side of defending freedom. Excited about his team, and their mission. He has so much stuff he has absorbed and wants to share, AND wants me be excited for also.

I am NOT as excited as he wants me to be. I'd rather be curled up on the couch between my mom and dad sobbing. There is nothing exciting about staying somewhere so far from family with no husband and four kids (three of which have no idea whats coming and are having trouble comprehending what we are saying). There is nothing exciting about sending a loved one into harms ways, and praying nothing happens. There is nothing exciting about rearranging schedules and routines five thousand different ways to accommodate all the pre-deployment training that takes J away from home for weeks, then having to rearrange them to accommodate the late nights and training exercises that will have him pop in and out of the home for a few weeks. Followed by a few weeks of block leave where he will be all ours, to be followed by his departure. It drags out forever! In all honesty I' rather they just take him two months early and train him somewhere else so I can just start counting down and don't have to deal with the constant roller coaster of emotions and my kids constant confusion of whats going on. Don't get me wrong I will relish every day I get with my soldier boy until he leaves, I will survive the deployment, and I will do it with style! I just think I need to run pre-deployments for a while. What medical professional and top dog green suiter came up with the out, and in, and back out again routine?

This time there isn't the option to move home, with three kids in school and J leaving mid way through the school year. There isn't the option to have my sister move in with me as she is now married with her own family. The last time we did this we only hand two kids. I could put one in each hand or on each leg- that number has doubled. Luckily for us it comes on a year that nothing momentous will be happening, he will be back just in time for Daniel's baptism, and Liza entering Young Women's. For our family the timing as ideal as any separation can get.This week I feel a little frazzled and a bit of an introvert. J and I can't seem much to talk about anything- he's excited and I am not. So much to think about, and so many things to do, with no time as the army is fully occupying that. The kids are picking up on the stress levels and are super sensitive. Mikey is all messed up and making it hard for me to sleep, she is either up till 11pm or up at 5am and constantly into everything and trying to be independent but in constant need of Dad. She doesn't want to nap, if she does she is up until 11pm (which eats up what energy J does have) and if she doesn't nap and goes to bed on time she is up at 5am and I am NOT a 5am morning person!! Daniel who is just way out of sorts, he is aggressive, emotional and super sensitive to anything anyone says. Rainey asks lots of questions, and wants to be involved and understand but can't wrap his little head around it causing more than his normal amounts of aggression and temper. And Liza who I am sure is dealing with it in a way but for the most part is my constant and easy going child who has decided to escape into her books.

Time for me to cry my eyes out, let the emotions go then move on. Maybe then I can find a way to balance the kids out and find some energy for my self. I need to push on! I need go to work and forget about the what ifs. UGH!

Happy Birthday Rainey!!

One year older and wiser too!
Rainey at this time in his life...
loves parkour
loves to cook
loves to create! An artist in the making
loves letters
Outside is the only place to be if you aren't inside drawing and creatinggoes to Pre-K
has a BFF that gets him, she moves in just a few weeks (he is going to be crushed!!)
has a bit of a temper
will do anything for money
loves dirt!eats anything you feed him
eager to please without loosing his true self
the jokster of our bunch
has a way of wrapping you around his little finger with "the look"
stubbornloves surprises
very patient
hates to hang up clothes or do any sort of cleaning involving his room/toys
my best shopping buddy
high energy
Loves to make others smile
Makes friends easily but rarely lets them into his heart (very sensitive and hates to be hurt)
Loves to imagine
responsible when it counts
loves to learn

Rainey you brighten up my days and give my a bit of laughter every day! You may be my greatest challenge as a parent but there is no way I would trade you for any other child. I love to create side by side with you, to watch you think things out and to see you grow. You definitely have tried my patience but are the greatest example in exercising patience. You are a people pleaser without staying true to yourself and your ideals. Your beautiful blue eyes dance as you face every day eager to see what the world has to hold. I can't wait to see you you accomplish this year, and what talents manifest themselves while you are 5!

Happy Birthday Rainey!!

Spiritual high!!

Today was such an awesome experience. I am physically drained yet emotionally and spiritually edified!

I started my morning way earlier than normal with a portion of my youth group kids.

We drove the 90mins to the city to a homeless shelter/rehab facility we were introduced to back in March. One of the other leaders had gone there with her cosmetology class to practice cutting hair. She had such an amazing experience she wanted to share it with our youth. We decided to make quilts for every bed they had (80 beds). Everyone thought we were crazy! Four girls and four leaders and several members from our little congregation ended up with 91 quilts. We had a chance to deliver those quilts and show our love for our fellow men today.

Sorry it is a bit blurry, the person operating it wasn't too electronic savvy.
A group photo of some of the residents that spent a bit of time getting to know our youth and giving them advice on how to avoid the predicament they were in.
In order to qualify for this facility you must be dependent on a substance (drug or alcohol), and be homeless, and/or have a mental diagnoses (OCD, schizophrenia, turrets...).

The last of our quilts. A few of the residents went out and down the street to round up a few of the people sleeping on the streets. We were able to gift of all of them.

Then we served them brunch

This was one of our favorite residents, C. He really stood out. A former college baseball player. He had a special bond with our boys who are very into sports. He shared a lot of very encouraging advice on how to play sports and not get caught up in the things of the world.

We met many great people today that changed our lives! We drove home and talked of the many things we took away from our visit. Much to be grateful for and to think of! Addiction and tragedy have no social boundaries.

We ended our night with our church Christmas party, which the youth group was tasked with. We kept it very simple. Dinner, Santa, and a video of the primary kids we put together. (I'll share it another time)During part of the program one of our missionaries had a surprise presentation to the veterans in our congregation. His mother is part of a group (were kids design the patches and the ladies sew them) called Moms love quilts. They presented each veteran with a quilt. A good few of them were teary eyed and all were very appreciative of the support. (Liza had a small part in the presentation and helped hand out the quilts)The one in the middle of this one was my favorite! it read "Tank you!" How super clever!
Yes Santa served in the military at one point to, how else could he afford flight school?! :-PJ get a bit teary during the presentation.

We finished our program with a video we compiled of the primary kids talking to us about Christmas. It was humorous and profound at the same time. As the producer of the video I got to hear all of their stories. "Out of the mouth of babes!" No words can explain the love I have for each of the kids I interviewed and their special spirit! I can't wait to share it with you but neither of us have the energy to focus tonight on uploading it for all to view.

May you all find the peace the good Lord is waiting to share with you!

Dietary alterations

I love Daniel. For the most part he is my easiest child.

He just goes with the flow and usually doesn't cause too much fuss. THat being said he has also been my most sensitive child. His feelings are easily hurt. On the flip side, he usually knows when someone just needs a hug, or where to fill a need. He pays attention to others and their needs, more than my other kids. Often very good at paying attention to detail. He has recently also developed a seriously sensitive stomach.

Daniel has missed several days of school this past few weeks while making really good friends with our bathroom porcelain and our plastic bowls. Something just hasn't been right with him. Today he was diagnosed with abdominal migraines. He has a history of migraines and this is just one of those things some kids get and will eventually, most likely, grow out of. The Dr prescribed some meds and told me to avoid MSG and chocolate, and lower his sugar intake. She made it sound so simple, it won't take much effort!

After spending most of the afternoon and evening researching it- HA! What can this boy eat?! I was rather discouraged. I can handle lower his sugars and chocolate intake, but MSG?! I mean I already won mother of the Year award for telling the boy not to eat sugar and explaining it all to his teacher an hour before his class Christmas party and not registering maybe I should have sent him something he could eat! WOW! Despite my cluelessness, he took it all in stride and brought home all his goodies and shared them with the missionaries tonight.

I was going to start with just focusing on sugars and then work in the MSG but had to revise that idea after feeding the boy chicken noodle soup for dinner and seeing him get sick a few times tonight. I taught him how to read the labels on food and to find the sugar content. He liked it and picked up on it rather quickly. But the MSG thing is going to be a bit trickier for him. There are so many different words it is listed under to include "seasonings" its just a matter of a lot of research and me doing my homework!

Finally tonight I came across one website where a lady who's sons name is also Daniel, who also must avoid MSG. After reading article after article of what not to eat, it was very refreshing to find a list of things he CAN eat. She has great suggestions for MSG free foods. A ray of hope! There are things he can eat!! Man this is so not going to be easy, but if any of my kids had to go thru this he is the best one. Lets hope the dietary alterations will eliminate his symptoms and I can avoid giving him any drugs.

One of our latest adventures!